oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
