She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
