Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
