I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
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