Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You pole danced in your parka.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
