Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
