it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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