dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
