I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
