What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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