If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
