Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
soo... how was my night?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
