remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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