She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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