I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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