I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
