DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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