we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Acid is not a monday night drug
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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