Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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