I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
