uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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