You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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