my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
