we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
