Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
