The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
