Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
