Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
