you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
