she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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