White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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