all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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