Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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