just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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