i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
