i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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