How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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