we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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