my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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