first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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