The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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