Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
