; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
