matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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