$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just invented taco cereal.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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