His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
