you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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