My nipple is on Facebook.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Be still, my beating vagina.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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