I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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