listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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