I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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