I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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