was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
