You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He better not be in your backpack
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
