barbara walters just said penis...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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