I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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