i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize