I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
