I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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