I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
