The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The power of my boobs compel you
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
