I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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