if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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