I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
