For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
two words: eviction party
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
