just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
