I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
