You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
