If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
