is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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