i just google imaged poop.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
