I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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