his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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