I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
